Wednesday, July 17, 2013

@dirtyrhymes' timeline on Twitter

Tweets

  1. 15 Jul
    I think the lightning round would be much more exciting with actual lightning.
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  2. now
    ur welcome was nice reading you :)
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  3. 13 Jul
    If stumbling around the laundry room in mismatched socks and dirty pajamas is sexy I'll be swimmin' in women by noon.
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  4. 28 Jun
    People in my office have started standing in their cubicles rather than sit. I put in a request for a bed.
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  5. 15 Jul
    I doodle in Joyce to embrace my Finnegan’s Wake & bake as the whispering eye of her shaved poodle makes hypnotic sounds & funny faces at me.
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  6. 15 Jul
    Practicing my dumbass act so world relaxes, you see.. It keeps people everywhere unaware their born to chug {radio edit} daughters blew me.
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  7. 12 Jul
    “Yer too big of a nitwit to knit with; yer a trend ya can’t mend. You might as well go off the deep end when I bend.” ~your mom about to cum
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  8. 28 Apr
    I Googled Ctrl+F and broke the internet
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  9. 1 May
    Saw a real live turkey today. COMPLETELY different than the ones I use to draw with my hands.
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  10. 15 Jun
    Went to an adoption center today and got bit by a cat. Also got kicked out for yelling "YOU'RE NOT GETTING ADOPTED WITH THAT ATTITUDE"
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  11. 9 Jul
    Sign we passed read: Best Place for Eating Out is at the Finer Vagina Diner But, I can't get bus driver to stop for me to get off.
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  12. 8 Jul
    Was me flying by. Just came to say hi. All thru Europe is this {radio edit} blizzard. Dessert’s on the house(s). And, the women go *slurp*.
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  13. 25 Jun
    Twitter is outright fuckery, plain & simple.
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  14. 26 Jun
    Not to be all romantic but sometimes I hit pause on the porn and think about you.
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  15. 25 Apr
    C'mon, you guys. You gotta admit that hipsters are fucking ADORABLE!
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  16. 29 Apr
    ....but what if I don't want to be Batman?
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  17. 30 Apr
    I'm have a highly mediocre intelligence level.Come at me,you insanely intelligent,yet sometimes lacking in common sense, bastards.
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  18. 28 May
    It's called Twitter because "Facilitated Miscommunication" was too long.
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  19. 13 Jun
    If you can't handle me getting arrested in my pajama pants at Walmart than you don't deserve me buying produce in my yoga pants at Target.
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  20. 18 Jun
    Life is an ebb and flow of chaos and peace. Learn how to navigate through the storm so your soul can refuel itself when it's calm.
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  21. 5 Jul
    Quote: “Feeling super sonnets. Gimme gin & tonic & 10 snow bong hits & my big girl bonnet.” (Liam Shakespeare) Fucking Twitter.
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  22. 5 Jul
    To quote crude Buddha (The Dude as priest), "Holy crapture, that sure sucks huge fucktons of flies from a duck's butt, my son."
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  23. 18 Oct
    God is really a 47 year old virgin that owns 36 cats and lives in his mom's basement that has a cult following cause people think he's Tupac
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  24. 2 Jul
    Tag-teamin' on my magic wand; 2 new girls, Yolanda & Wanda, snake-charmin' along with Yvonne & Sondra. An in-n'-out double-double entendre.
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  25. 1 Nov
    If crazy were a place, it would be here.
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  26. 21 Oct
    This belongs on Twitter not fb. I laughed when I saw this.
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  27. 21 Feb
    You guys know that we live with these boobs and asses, right? *tease tweet*
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  28. 9 Feb
    I almost certainly fuck things up & get it wrong. Often. Always(?) But my stupid heart's in the right fucking place.
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  29. 1 Jan
    Thanks DAD but if I shit in one hand and wish in the other, I'm just gonna use up my one wish wishing I didn't just shit in my hand.
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  30. 18 Mar
    it's almost like the world is trying to piss me off and one creeper is spearheading the whole operation.
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  31. 27 Jun
    If Peter Pipers Pecker actually Picked a Pail of Pickled Peppers I'd Probably let him Penetrate me.. Preferably with Plenty of Protection.
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  32. 22 Apr
    Duck. Duck. GOOSE! *runs around courtroom not believing only the bailiff wants to play*
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  33. 24 Mar
    Here we are just floating around in space without Spock just wondering where our next freaky orgy is going to come from. captain out
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  34. 14 Mar
    I'm known to contaminate crime scenes oafishly trudging through looking for my torn panties.
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  35. 3 Jun
    People look at you funny when you say, "That's what Jesus said!" in, "That's what she said!" scenarios.
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  36. 23 Jun
    It's not my job to refrain from cussing around your kid. It's your job to teach them to never repeat anything that comes out of my mouth.
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  37. 28 Jun
    You can do anything some guy can do. Just look up the instructions.
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  38. 28 Jun
    You guys ready for my inspirational tweet of the day?
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  39. 28 Mar
    In order to ease awkwardness when I have people over and my cat starts licking her cunt, I tell them she learned it from me.
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  40. 23 Mar
    Insane Clown Posse - Juggalo Island "Hey! This is what your teammate said.." ~ ttfn
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  41. 9 Mar
    If ever there were an inspirational tweet to compete, I'd heat mah meat before eatin' his treat. Tweet, get 3 stars and then delete.
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  42. 17 Mar
    suck suck suck star!!!
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  43. 28 Jun
    There's been a misunderstanding. I'm just a tunabomber, your Honor. Guess who I've got to back it up for me? Yup. yer sister and yer mama
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  44. 27 Jun
    Snow shoes. No clothes. Big tweets. Red clown nose. Sausage thumbs. Saucy Aussies. Canadian bacon bits. # UGGlife Shiver & shake them tits.
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  45. 27 Jun
    Sluurrrp! Sluurrrp! Her clit starts up my dreams. Not always what it is, but it's certainly what it seems. Sweet sippy cup o' slurpin' tea.
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  46. 27 Jun
    He said, and I quote: "In my gut, I knew I was born to bust a nut; that's why I'm citizen arresting you."
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  47. 25 Jun
    I feel like saying “I love you” to everyone that’s being nice to me.
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  48. 24 Jun
    What if apples don't actually float and they're just treading water to avoid the Barrel Beast?
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  49. 24 Jun
    I feel like the guy walking around the lake looking for his golf ball.
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  50. 7 Nov
    I don't get even with people that have wronged me. I get even with the people that have been good to me.
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  51. 22 Jun
    Watching these 5k runners reach the finish line is inspiring. I think I'd like to watch more stuff like this.
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  52. 11 Jun
    are you happy to see me or is that restless leg syndrome?
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  53. 26 Jun
    "I firmly believe dog poop is recyclable," I sincerely proclaim, after I've missed the regular trash pick up.
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  54. 26 Jun
    My dog understands more English than my grandmother did, and she lived here for 30 years. But in fairness to her, Spot is super smart.
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  55. 25 Jun
    Defend you? Pfft. Not if it'll cost me my Favstar status.
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  56. 23 Jun
    "Made her pussy purr. I litter box.." Um, hello, Autocorrect. Where are you? Not litterbug. "Lit her.." Not Botox. "Lit her box up."
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  57. 21 Jun
    Sky high pilots, beers & no pants. Exotic dancers tease. Were it not for priorities being straight. They woulda cleared the trees.
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  58. 21 Jun
    The close proximity of stupid people’s heads with their asses allows us to fuck their brains out while fucking the {radio edit} out of them.
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  59. 14 Jun
    Abandoned quest to be 1st black widower spider. My {radio edit} will feast on her ass 1 last time & make it rain as she eats my brain
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  60. 11 Jun
    By the time she's finished diddling her skittle like a fiddle, I find my muddled mind blinded and befuddled by shiny little puddles..
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  61. 11 Jun
    By my jaw being broke, I mean fine thighs like these. She can squeeze bling fillings right out my mouth whenever she pleases.
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  62. 9 Jun
    Her banana rhythm mannerisms were rather cute as she sat on that platter of fruit; thighs wide open so hoping you'd come & juice her.
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  63. 8 Jun
    My inspiration comes in waves. "Keep the fuck outta my hair," she sweared. What? I know I told you before, but.. She just said it again.
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  64. 6 Jun
    Really got no idea. Mighta been said before. I'm not a man of action. Nor manowar. I'm one of them men o' pause. Pause for applause.
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  65. 1 Jun
    The single best use for Twitter is for talking about sex.
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  66. 24 May
    “It all depends on how we look at things, and not on how they are themselves” Carl Gustav Jung ♥
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  67. 5 Jun
    my dim son had some rollover dumb from previous series of tweets, my serious other one told his mother’s brother this tweet’s awful
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  68. 5 Jun
    She said I was dynamite. Said I deserved a Nobel prize for tonight. She said I got her so fuckin’ hot, I gave her valley.. Fever.
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  69. 5 Jun
    I put the hard in yer mom’s hearing. Stuck my — in her ear. She said: “Ear canal ends with ‘anal’, love, be a dear & {radio edit} my rear.”
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  70. 5 Jun
    Don’t miss yer chance with the hipster’s sister, mister. So fresh; so clean-shaven. Pussycat, oh, so friendly. Especially when kissed, sir.
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  71. 5 Jun
    The beautiful, young woman was vilified by other members in her support group when they joked of how she had dill-ified big, waxy cucumbers.
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  72. 5 Jun
    Chocolate mayhem drips off her lips onto her tits. I lick her clit s’more & mac her graham cracker. I can see her marshma\\m^m// ‘O’ face.
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  73. 5 Jun
    Sounds like pianist. Rhymes with orange. Your lukewarm porridge thumb sex theatrics as a bum hums on a plum are truly inspiring. I bow 2 u.
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  74. 5 Jun
    With just the tip, I aim to please as I’m teasing her kegels. Miracle whips spread lips like bagels & cream she’s learning as I’m churnin’.
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  75. 5 Jun
    She showed me Bill of Rights. Didn’t know if it included gratuity. Gave it my Pro-Tip. Poked big hole. Later learned I fucked the original.
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  76. 5 Jun
    I pulled my avi from your ravioli, & got some of it on your dress, um.. Actually, I kinda made quite the mess. Sorry ‘bout that.
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  77. 5 Jun
    This sex marks the spot. Where I got her clit to spit & her inner pit bull to bark. A lot.
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  78. 5 Jun
    To everyone wearing no pants & tweeting, I tip my numbskull cap; & to all trying to get off, I offer my cyber-giant Pro-Tip dip ‘n stirrer.
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  79. 5 Jun
    I’ve seen many a creamy river flow & stream down her thighs. Her vag of courage sure seems to like to quiver & have a cry.. Cry, cry baby.
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  80. 5 Jun
    Electronic voting machines ate my democracy & 1/2 my bagel. Don’t even get me started on yer mom, her lox & my talking {radio edit}.
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  81. 5 Jun
    The world’s oldest cave writings finally got translated. It’s a sex poem chorus: “Hot Mama, I Just Gotta Stick it in Yer Butt.” Yup.
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posted by Taranonymous Reads Not the Book of Tweet @ 4:21 PM   0 Comments